Guest List: Should You Really Limit Plus-Ones?

You've finalized your list at 180 guests, and the budget holds. Then your cousin announces she's bringing the new boyfriend she met 3 weeks ago. Your best friend wants to bring his roommate 'because she has nothing else going on that night.' Your great-aunt asks whether she should get a seat for her home caregiver. How do you decide? Here's the practical rule.

1The 6-month rule

Simple rule, used by most planners: you grant a plus-one if the guest has been with their partner for AT LEAST 6 months as of the wedding date (not the invitation date). Why 6 months? Because that's roughly the minimum time it takes for there to be a real chance the couple is still together on the big day, and for the guest to actually want to introduce that person to their family. Before 6 months, it's a coin flip — an invitation that isn't honest to anyone.

2The 4 criteria for making exceptions

Cases where you CAN grant a plus-one even without the 6-month relationship:

1. Very close family (brother, sister, first cousin) — invite their current partners out of respect, even if the relationship is recent
2. A guest traveling from far away (a flight, another country) — traveling alone to an all-day wedding is a real ask. An accompanying plus-one makes the decision to come much easier
3. A guest who's a single parent — a solo parent often needs a companion (friend, sibling) to actually enjoy the evening
4. A guest with a disability or who needs assistance — their home caregiver, their support person, of course yes (and never charge for that seat)

3The 3 cases where you SHOULD say no

Conversely, here are the cases where saying no is not just acceptable but the right call:

1. A plus-one requested for an acquaintance (e.g., a coworker 'who wanted to come') — no. Your wedding isn't a networking event
2. A plus-one requested to smooth over family tension (e.g., 'otherwise my dad will complain') — no. Resolve the tension BEFORE the wedding, not on the day itself
3. A plus-one requested late (less than 2 months before the wedding) — no. The seating chart is locked, and this is simply a matter of logistical respect

4How to decline politely

Phrases that work:

• '[Partner] and I agreed to cap the guest list at X to keep things intimate — we hope you understand'
• 'The venue has a hard capacity limit and the caterer charges per plate — we have to keep it to immediate family plus close friends'
• 'We're sorry we can't include [guest's new partner], but we'd love to grab a drink with them once we're back'

5Showing plus-ones on the invitation: how do you indicate it?

On a classic paper invitation, the envelope says it: the names written on it are the people invited. On a digital invitation like Tov.events: each household has its own link and a maximum number of people that you set. The reply form asks who is coming, within that limit, without assuming a partner.

6Special case: a wedding with a mechitzah

If your wedding has a mechitzah (separate seating for men and women), say so on the invitation, along with how guests will be seated, so no one is caught off guard.

To manage your list household by household, with the number of people planned for each, create your Tov.events list — free during the beta, in English, French, Hebrew and Spanish.